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The Love Connection

Posted Apr 24th, 2012 by Pat Brown
This love connection has nothing to do with your loved ones. Do not be alarmed, I amnot demoting your significant others but this love connection is about you. Are you committedto loving yourself? If you are trying to sniff under your armpits, in a way, that nobody sees youcheck, you are busted but it is not too late. You just slipped. I gauge this slipping with hygienein three measurements: the whisper length, the arms length [test for odors], and sparing length[stay back 10 paces from the nose]. We all know that relationships are a serious investment intime so let us talk commitment. Let us start from head to toe so we do not miss anything. Forsome this maybe PG-13.

Whether you like long hair, short hair, or no hair at all that head needs washing andgrooming regularly. Nobody wants to smell sweat, smoke, and oil or see flakes, dandruff, lice,or shedding hair. Eyes including the eyebrows cannot be avoided; the first visual scan startswith the eyes. That sleep crust lodged in the corner, dandruff in the eyelashes or eyebrows isunacceptable. Wollyfur brows [big thick bushes of hair] attract the wrong kind of attention andnobody will tell you but if you notice you never make eye contact, there is your answer. Thenose should be clean with no danglers: no hair, no snot, and definitely no boogers. The lipsshould be moist not cracked or dry and be free of crumbs. The teeth and tongue need thoroughbrushing after each meal and a deep gargle once a day.

Clean behind the ears and all external crevices and do not smell that qtip.. The underarmpits must be washed daily and a sufficient application of deodorant is needed. The less hairthe better as hair prevents the deodorant from reaching the skin of the under armpits, holds thatsweaty odor in the armpits until it collects a characteristic musky smell that only the dark anddamp can duplicate. The hands are germ collectors; they need frequent washing, moisturizing,and nail and cuticle care. A manicure once a month is reasonable.

Female privacy part #1 needs washing as often as needed, clean between the lips, andwash germs away from Sally [female sex organ]. Pat this area dry after urination to minimizewet panties and a sweaty, rank odor the seeps through pants and open legs. Once a monthextensive cleaning and freshen ups are greatly appreciated and if necessary a vinegar baseddouche. Male privacy part #1 needs washing the entire shaft, around pubis, and under the twins.The buttock needs washing daily and thorough cleaning after each number two. Feet need dailywashing, occasional nail trimming and a good pedicure every 3 months to minimize thick roughheels and ingrown toenails. Reminder, wollyfur in private places trap four odors together: sweat,secretions, urine, and feces, phew!. In case you did not know it, the skin is an organ and needsbathing and moisture to protect you from germs and infection and that is just the outside. Thiscommitment is non-negotiable but if you can seriously commit daily then sweet love connectionsare on the way.

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Manipulation of body odour alters men’s self-confidence and judgements of their visual
attractiveness by women. International Journal of Cosmetic Science, 31(1), p47-54.
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Body Odor Using an Electronic Nose. Sensors. 9(9), p7234-7249.
About the author

Ms. Pat Brown MSN, APN, RN
Doctoral Candidate - RN for Luten Nursing Services and ADJ FCLTY at UOP

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